You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
