Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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