I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
