If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I lost the right to judge tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
