its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
