jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
