I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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