You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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