I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
