so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
