I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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