He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
