i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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