I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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