he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
