I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
