I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My bed smells like the plague
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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