Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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