You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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