Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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