All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
