I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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