dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
