oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
