and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you will always have a special place in my vag
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
