so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
