I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
