i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
