We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
