How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
