Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is Oprah even human
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
