So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
