She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
NoShamevember. You game?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
