you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't turn off my feet"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
