If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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