Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
