I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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