He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
