at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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