These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
