Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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