You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
