Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
