just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
