i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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