I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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