i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
