Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
