you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
