Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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