Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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