i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
